OkCupid review: A fun, hip dating site that's way less lame than the competition
It was after a wedding last summer when I decided to start dating seriously. No longer was I going to just find boys to have fun with; I was going. When I discovered that taking dating less seriously can yield better When you see the first date as an opportunity to simply have fun and learn. If you've entered into a casual dating relationship with a man, then you both agreed to have the same boundaries – strictly fun, nothing serious.
I've read more books than I care to share, listened to more podcasts than I feel comfortable admitting and have even turned to movies in times of complete and utter desperation to understand the whole concept, which truly is foreign to me. And after more than eight years in long-term relationships that have all ended for one reason or another, I find myself back in the dating world, this time with a different attitude.
This summer is will be one year that I have been single. I started dating on and off back in December, but found it to be tedious, exhausting, challenging and for a lack of better words, completely emotionally brutal. In the month of January alone, I went on close to 15 dates with a wide range of men, from lawyers to yogis to hippies to businessmen.
8 Rules For Casual Dating
I dated a banker and a farmer, a cowboy not kidding and a meditation instructor. I even dated a guy who was already married once and had kids from his previous relationship. But what I found was something that I really wasn't expecting. The thing is, no one really has any idea how dating really "works. When is the right time to kiss someone? How many dates before having "the conversation" about going exclusive or continuing to date other people?
Can I text him after the first date or do I have to wait for him to text me? And the list goes on and on. And so I would turn to my friends for advice -- to call or not to call, to share my feelings or to play it cool, etc.
- Dating For “Fun” And Not For A Ring: Could You Do It?
And what I found is that everyone has something different to say. One friend says do this, another friend says do that -- yet nothing seemed to align with how I was really feeling. One day, after about four dates with a guy, I felt like things were going well and assumed they were moving forward. I thought it was a great time to tell him how I felt and see what happened, but my friend literally removed my phone from my hands warning me that I would "ruin" any potential I had with him by being too honest.
I listened to her and never shared how I felt and the guy ended up telling me that he wanted to date someone who was a little more honest and forward with her feelings.
And just like that, I was back at square one. I recently relocated to the East Coast, and about two weeks into my time here, I decided to start dating again. I signed up with a popular online dating site, thinking it couldn't hurt to try again, and assuming that men on the East Coast would at least offer a different outcome than I had been experiencing with men in Los Angeles.
And to be astonishment, things have been completely different this time around. Though I can't say that I have cracked the code, or now have endless answers to dating questions, I did learn something about myself that seemed to translate to my dating experience.
I decided this time that I was going to go into dating with the intention of having FUN. I'd gotten to a point months ago where dating felt like a grueling chore, and I can't say I ever really had fun while I was dating. So this time, I made it clear as day on my profile that I wanted to have fun.
I realize now that without fun, there really isn't anything. In my opinion, fun is a great place for two people who don't know each other at all to begin -- because let's be honest -- if I am not having fun, I am likely not going to want to see someone again.
The Non-Rule, 'Rules' of Dating
And on the flip side, I imagine that if a man isn't having fun with a woman, it's a mutual feeling. I send fewer messages and I receive higher quality responses. I believe this is all because of the requirement to match before messaging. Now women are required to seek out desirable profiles in order to interact with users on the site - just like the men. I also really like how doubletake has shown me interesting profiles that I wouldn't have found with browsing. The only downside is the low population compared to Tinder.
I assumed that only annoyingly persistent men would dislike this change, but according to Reddit, a lot of ladies also aren't feeling it either: Reddit user narcissica writes: I either have to "like" people fairly indiscriminately to leave myself open to conversation, or I have to close doors on potential conversation that could be worthwhile. I was doing just fine having the block feature, or simply not responding to people who weren't worth my time.
Luckily, OkCupid's DoubleTake profile allows you to see a good amount of info on a person before you swipe, so you're not about to match with people blindly more on that later. If the closed messaging is the most annoying thing on the site, that's pretty good.
If you're not getting the attention and messages you think you deserve, there's an option to boost your profile to get you a full day's worth of activity in just 15 minutes.
The Reddit community is actually huge on OkCupid, and while all dating sites receive their fair share of shit Redditors do not hold back on giving their opinionsI genuinely feel like OkCupid has the most nice things said about it. Or the least mean things. This blog even put together a guide on OkCupid advice that Redditors have given over the past few years.
Most dating sites make you pay to do literally anything besides signing up. However, if you're feeling ambitious and want a little feature upgrade, OkCupid does offer two paid memberships: Those prices won't set you back nearly as much as another site would, and I like that you're able to test out the site for free before deciding to go all in.
You'll have to subscribe to the A-List for more in-depth features, but the fee isn't steep at all. One bomb free feature is Double Take. Released inDouble Take acts as a kind of insurance. It uses what you filled out in your "Looking for" section and tries to send you new people that they think match up with your ideal boo. It's a clutch way to discover profiles you wouldn't have found just by browsing, and it gives more info and more pictures than regular matches show to give you an extra deep look into what they have to offer.
On the other hand, paying for an account can get rid of ads, allow you to see people who have liked you before you like them, see read receipts, get automatic boosts, and more. Liberal people who want a relationship This is the place for pretty much everyone who takes dating seriously, but still wants to have fun. Though OkCupid's advertisements may have "DTF" plastered all over them, the site's intentions and matchmaking process are no joke. OkCupid is the best place to find people who want a partnership to truly be equal.
It might take some time and genuine effort to make a profile, but that's what you want if you're looking for something real.
You'll fill out a questionnaire with your answers as well as what you would like your ideal match to answer.
8 Rules For Casual Dating
This makes the application-building process a lot more fun than other apps, making it feel like an online quiz. It asks a range of questions, from simple stuff to whether you smoke and drink to more intimate things like how many dates you typically wait before sleeping with someone. The app says that the more questions you answer, the better your matches will be. The deeper you go, the more accurate your profile is. In turn, OkCupid will have a way easier time finding matches for you.
Like we said in our eharmony reviewjust because you're bored with Tinder doesn't mean eharmony or a site with the same expectation to settle down is the next step. A lot of those users are older, divorced, and have kids, and there's a much slimmer selection of young people in that gray area.
OkCupid seems ideal for the person who's trying to marry the next person they date, even if they idea of marriage and kids makes them slightly nauseated. The LGBTQ community finally has a safe space in the online dating world that is, one that's not a super niche lesbian or gay-only appand those who usually vote liberally can make sure they're not going on a date with someone whom they'd want to fight on Facebook. Get with the times, people.
OkCupid also has a sick blog where they discuss social issues, success stories, local events, showcase statistics from their users, and more. It's a great way for the makers behind the screen to get connected with the people using their site, and makes OkCupid feel less like just another dating app that wants to make money.
Some people seem to be using OkCupid like Tinder and were only visiting, while most will specify exactly what they're looking for in their bios, so confusion about intentions should be minimal. It's serious, but not serious. And then there's the political aspect of it. While most dating sites refuse to take sides, OkCupid has made it clear that they care about social justice issues. That's not to say that it's not worth a shot, but if you're trying to cast your net as wide as possible, another site where these issues aren't highlighted may give you better luck.
Downsides As with any dating site, there will be the one-star ratings, enthusiastically negative reviews, and complaints from people about things that the site itself has no control over. No, Karen, it is not OkCupid's fault that John ghosted you.
Dead profiles, catfishing, and getting abruptly suspended is annoying.